The power of ‘No’

There’s a word in our vocabulary that many people are afraid of using. It’s only a small word, a very simple word and one of the most basic in our lexicon, but it’s a hard word for most people to say. It’s a word that has immediate negative connotations, based on its meaning alone, however there is much power in being able to say the word ‘no’ when appropriate.

‘No’ is a word that can help preserve your personal boundaries and protect you from predators. ‘No’ is a word that can prevent another from taking advantage of you. Saying ‘no’ can protect your individual or collective rights. The word ‘no’ sends a firm message that what is being asked of you is not what you want or right for you.

‘No’ is also a word that can be used collectively if people choose to take a stand for not only their own rights but those of their community.

However, today for most, the word ‘no’ is almost taboo. It’s a word you shouldn’t use. We should be ‘yes’ people and do what others ask of us without complaint.

For me personally, saying the word ‘no’ and meaning it could have changed the trajectory of my life. When my mother was putting pressure on me to go to business college and undertake a secretarial course, something I knew I didn’t want to do, what I needed to do was say ‘no’ and stand my ground. Instead, I caved in and ended up pursuing the wrong career path for much of my life. If I had said the word ‘no’ when Luca asked me to lend him money, I wouldn’t have lost a cent or become the victim of a con man.

While sometimes it is appropriate for us to say ‘yes’, it’s important to realise that we also have a right to say ‘no’. The trick is in understanding when we should assert our rights and say ‘no’ instead of ‘yes’.

Red flags that it should be a ‘no’ not a ‘yes’

There are certain red flags that indicate you shouldn’t be saying ‘yes’ and instead should say ‘no’:

• If any coercive pressure, bullying or force is being used

• If what’s being asked of you is something that makes you uncomfortable in any way

• If your intuition tells you what’s being asked of you is not what you want or right for you—yes, that niggling feeling in your gut

• If you feel the slightest bit anxious about what’s being asked of you—tense, unsure or uneasy

• If you sense the truth is being hidden from you

• You simply aren’t happy about what’s being asked of you

• If you have doubts or concerns

If any of the above apply, then it’s a sure sign that what’s being asked of you is something you really don’t want to do and you should take a firm stand, say ‘no’ and mean it.

The simple fact is when we fail to assert ourselves or stand up for our rights, there’s always a risk of harm, whether that harm is spiritual, psychological or physical. It will also lead to resentment, and this is best avoided.

Also, be aware that the above red flags are definite signals that your boundaries are being violated, so it’s important to recognise this and respond accordingly.

Remember too, that psychopathic predators will always try to push our boundaries and the best defence against having our boundaries violated is simply by saying ‘no’ and meaning it.